He Tore A Hamstring Dot Mee Dot UK

3 Red Balls, 2 Yanks and a Bank

I really enjoyed watching the recent television premiere of “The Damned United”. Maybe it was a documentary shrouded as entertainment, but I am sure that may of you will have enjoyed it also.

Essentially, the plot revolves and thickens around the fact that Brian Clough felt that he was snubbed and ignored by Don Revie when Leeds United visited Clough’s Second Division Derby County for an FA Cup tie. Whilst that is a debate for a different time, football was definitely a different industry in that era.

Clough quoted conversations he had with Bill Shankly, saying that Shanks would have punched a football agent in the face, and that players in those days did their own deals.He was probably right, and he would have probably punched the player too, for bringing an agent along. It was Shankly, who once said:

“Football is a holy trinity between Fans, Manager and Players. The chairman has no role to play, other than signing cheques. We spend the money, all he has to do, is sign”.

In those days most clubs were exactly that … clubs, not corporations. A local businessman would own the club and most were run on a shoestring, a distant cry from today.

It is a fact of life that most successful business people have a ruthless streak. The likes of Branson, Al-Fayed, The Dragons in the Den, Simon Cowell, all have something inside them which basically says … “Stuff You” … or perhaps something a touch stronger! Few reach the pinnacle of business without treading on a few others to get there. The ruthless streak allows them to do things that the rest of us see as fantasy.

The early days of West Ham United co-owner, David Sullivan, is a point in case. He made his fortune from ‘girly’ magazines and remains Britain’s most successful pornographer. His first idea was to sell photos of girls for £1, placing adverts in a local paper stating, “10 photos of naked girls for £1”.

It didn’t work, so after a short while he changed the advert to read “100 photos of naked girls for £1”. It took off and he made a little fortune. What he did NOT say, was that the 100 photos were all of the same girl and were  in fact all copies of the same image!

Fantasy? Funny? Genius? Cheat … you would if you had paid him a quid in those days. However, it encapsulates on a small scale, the working mind of a business entrpreneur. Essentially, it’s ok to rip-off a few people to get to the top!

Now lets take a trip to the bank, or more specifically to The Royal Bank of Scotland. About 5 years ago here, a friend of mine wanted a loan to start a business, at which point he took a trip to Barclays, who turned him down. What he learnt from the meeting was what he would be asked in his next attempt. This was with Lloyds TSB, who also declined.

The third trip was to RBS, and this was more successful. He wanted to borrow £10,000 … and their answer was:

“Yes, we will give you the loan on one provision, that you match the £10,000 with the same amount!”

My friend didn’t have £10,000. He wouldn’t have needed the loan if he did! But he promised he could do this as he had it ‘stashed away for a rainy day’, and that he would deposit the money ASAP.  RBS concluded that as soon as the money hit the bank, the loan would be in the account the same day. So all my friend now had to do was find … £10k.

Here is what he did … he wrote a cheque from his Barclays account for £10,000, a cheque which would bounce like the Kop in homage to Fernando Torres. He paid this cheque into his new account at the RBS, and by the end of the day the loan of £10,000 went in as promised. Three days later when the Barclays cheque DID bounce … it cost him £25! But RBS never removed the loan … and hey presto £10,000. Thank you!

Now you might think that is dishonest, and I would agree … but it is also very, very clever. He made a go of his business, and RBS are still his bank with no harm done. It shows, however, that when somebody says they have no money and are honest about their situation, the banks aren’t interested. Go in and say “Sure, £10,000, I can match that,” … they fall over and become blind to reality.

If I was the RBS manager, I would have simply asked why you need to borrow our £10,000 when you have £10,000 of your own? My friend laughs about it now - I guess it’s fraud, but because everything worked out, he could probably tell his bank manager the truth now and even he would laugh. Money has that effect.

That, on a larger scale is what has happened at Liverpool. Two guys walk in and convince everyone that they have money. Everyone including the seller believes them. Why? Well, simply because everyone wanted to believe them, the seller, the bank, the supporters … we all wanted them to be rich, we wanted them to do all those things they said they would do. Hook. Line. Sinker. Sold!

So why didn’t somebody ask the big question? “Have you got the money, and can we see proof?” The reason is simple, in that the illusion of money creates the illusion of money. It’s like watching a card trick up close, in which you watch the cards so intensely, you miss the trick.

I once modelled at a wedding show, and there was a magician who had a stall there. We got talking … that’s the story of my life, I always get talking to someone at these shows! He had three red foam balls, about the size of ping pong balls, but only soft, obviously. He put all three in my right hand and told me to squeeze hard … balls, hand, squeeze, I can do that.

Then he blew on my hand and told me to open my fingers … Guess what? … No balls! Obviously he had placed them there, and as I closed my hand he had taken them away at the last moment. I now see how it was done but I swear that I could feel them! However, I was squeezing so tight, I couldn’t actually feel anything in hindsight … one neat trick.

That is simply what Hicks and Gillette did, a slight of hand trick, one so neatly executed that we still do not see it. We call them liars, well maybe they are, but still pretty ingenious ones. They started out with no money, burdened a football club 7,000 miles away with huge debt furnished with a gigantic loan from my friend’s favourite financial institute … the stupidest bank this side of Mars, and then sell the football club for a profit.

The most incredible part of this trick is that there’s a brand new stadium included in the price too … that does not exist either!!

Right now we have an offer, and the trick still continues, the subterfuge of six offers sitting on a table. Six foam balls, clutch them tightly now! Blow and they’re all gone! Nothing in business is ever black and white, because that is not the way that business is done. Social Media is alive with opinion about the state of play with the latest bid … but the reality is that successful business people only reveal what they want you to see, with the truth is buried under layers.

Clough lost his battle with Don Revie, because he didn not see the big picture. Revie denied blanking him that day, classically quoting “I didn’t know who you were!”

I suspect he knew exactly what happened that day, but he played the game and riled Clough. From that day, Clough was consumed in emulating his foe and almost ruined his career trying to prove he was better than Revie. Revie played a great trick, and Clough fell for it …

Liverpool Football Club, in the modern era, is now faced with choosing the right option … Trick or Treat? We can only hope that the choices are made wisely.