Making Yourself Smile
Posted on July 9th, 2010 | by Rohan |
We have all seen or heard the voices which tell us to ‘reach for the sky’ or ‘achieve the impossible’. I may be naive, but I would have thought that if we could reach the sky, we would all be the height of skyscrapers, and were the impossible in our reach, it would not be impossible.
I spoke previously about the difference between dream and fantasy, speaking about a motivational theorist who came up with the rather stunning newsflash that “there’s been confusion between what’s a dream and what’s a fantasy. A fantasy is a good-to-have, while a dream is a must-have.” Again I find myself having to confirm that it’s positive to chase a dream, but not a fantasy. Thanks for that really useful piece of information. I wonder how much kudos he actually receives from his readers, or how much is a result of his own self-perception, using his model of positive thought?
Now not for a moment am I condemning motivational speakers. Ambition, desire and motivation are essential in life. However, I find myself consistently amazed by those who equate everything in life to ‘positive thought’. Evidently, fate and nature’s process does not apply to them. I am positive as an individual, but am grounded enough to realise that things in life often happen that are beyond our control.
It is one of the key reasons why we live in a contemporary society where stress is ubiquitous. In a world where material well-being, the perfect family and social status are constantly preached, is there any wonder that so many find themselves mentally destroyed in their quest to achieve this utopia?
This week alone, I have spoken to at least 3 close friends of mine who have spoken of a combination of stress, anxiety and lack of confidence. They are all genuine in their thoughts and such victims of a society that seems to have completely forgotten the importance of the simple pleasures in life.
Goals can be the healthiest form of happiness, but they can be absolutely destructive. There is an acronym used to describe goals, which I will not detail here. However, the letter ‘A’ in that acronym is the key to life in my opinion. The ‘A’ stands for ACHIEVABLE. (some might substitute this with Attainable)
In times of need, we so often consider ourselves to be cornered, with no escape. The key is patience and realism, for no amount of ‘positive thought’, dreaming or fantasy is ever going to change the core conditions overnight. I am afraid that if you go to sleep without a penny, the chances are you will wake up without a penny, and if your dream is to be a millionaire, you will have to get past a hundred and a thousand first!
Besides, why limit yourself to goals that only others perceive to be significant? Nobody has the right or knowledge to choose your significant goals and moments, they are subjective to you. Using a football analogy, why spend a career looking for the spectacular goal and missing, when you could be scoring a tap-in every match?
Have goals, have dreams, but just keep them achievable. There is no bigger smile to be had than the achievement of a goal, so give yourself a chance to smile every day by setting yourself a small achievable goal. The big dream will still be there and possibly getting closer, but instead of ending a day miserable because you feel as far away from it as ever, end it happy because you achieved a small milestone along the way.
Your goal can be as simple as you like, from finding the time to take a walk on your own, from taking the next step in a hobby, through to something work related. The only thing that matters above all is that it is something you genuinely think you can do, because the satisfaction will drive you forward to tomorrow’s goal.
As I said before, I am not using this as a means of slating those who use the theories of ‘positivity’ and ‘motivation’, but there has to be a time where realism takes precedence.
There are some who are able to inspire, motivate and maintain reality. One of the very best motivational speakers that you could wish to hear is none other than Kriss Akabusi MBE – in the short time I have known him, he has been everything that I would have expected – inspiring, positive, always pushing himself to challenge boundaries, but absolutely realistic.
So there is my simple theory! I doubt that I will need to copyright or that it will be the prelude to a book or film, but if it helps anyone who has lost the ability to smile that will be a goal achieved.
Yesterday, my goal was to make someone smile, and I achieved that early despite having to use a terrible joke to achieve it! Today, my goal was to write this piece – mission accomplished.
Reach for the stars indeed, but bring the stars to a place where you can reach them, and beyond all else give yourself a reason to be happy at every opportunity because whilst a smile cannot erase your problems, it can give you a much more positive approach to solving them.
And finally, never be too hard on yourself if you don’t reach your goal at a given time. Just Let it Be – there is a reason why that smile has been scheduled for tomorrow.
