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Love, Joy & Sorrow

So where do you begin to contemplate a six-month period that has both changed and shattered lives? In that time, I’ve lost one of my closest friends in Dani, and seen some of my best mates, Rohan in particular, utterly broken in their attempts to come to terms with it.

I know that Ro won’t mind me saying as much either. He has been incredibly brave through all of this, but remains a mere shadow of himself, although some might think otherwise. Dani’s siblings have had similarly difficult times adjusting to life after their sister.

In a few weeks time, many of us will gather together for the wedding of our close friends, Dilshan and Jayne. Ro will indubitably thrive in his role as Best Man, but we will all sadly miss the Bride of Honour. It is another example of how life can juxtapose such joy and sorrow in equal measures.

I wish that we had gone ahead with the planned Memorial Service for Dani in March, but some just weren’t ready for it. It would at least have given everyone a chance to be together in grief prior to the wedding, not that I expect it to dampen what will be a wonderful occasion for a special couple.

It was a touch strange spending Jayne’s Hen Night in Birmingham with no Dani or Ro, visiting the places that they’ve always told us about. It was also an opportunity to remember our friend over a few drinks, with a few smiles, maybe the first time we have genuinely been able to.

It also prompted me to return to Dani’s diary, which is a possession that I am truly grateful for having. Like her, it is so beautifully kept and crafted, and some of the excerpts so thought provoking and beautiful.

I’m not sure that there’s a right time for grief, for recovery or for healing. It just happens in its own time of its own accord. I’ve thought for months of writing some of Dani’s wonderful words on this blog, but always thought about the impact on the people who might read it. I genuinely feel that this is the right time.

After a weekend when we have inevitably thought of the wonderful love shared by a couple about to embark upon married life, my thoughts returned to the uniquely special relationship shared by Dani and Ro.

I found an entry that Dani wrote on her birthday last year:-

“Had the most wonderful evening tonight. Ro took me to Epernay and had me spoilt rotten. To be honest, he could have bought me the latest Girls Aloud single and a Happy Meal, and I would be equally happy.

After 7 years, despite the various challenges that all relationships must face, everything is as special as ever. He’s still the perfect gentleman – to the point where he walked back through the door just so he could reopen it for me!! He’s such an oaf, but he’s my oaf and I love him more than ever!

I know that he’s going through a difficult time at work and with his pops at the moment but he is still so attentive. He seems to be listening and hanging on every word I say, and I know it’s not just for show as he ends up saying most of it back to me when he needs to!

He’s kind, gentle, loving, attentive and caring. Absolutely every quality you would want in anyone. The special thing is that he still has the competitive streak that a life in sport and a successful career in sales would bring. He just always manages to keep that side of his life for when it’s needed.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I’ve got great friends, a wonderful family and a boyfriend for whom I would do anything. I know, for he has proven it so often, that he’d do the same.

So it’s an especially Happy Birthday for me, and real optimism for a special and happy year ahead.”

24th March 2009

Ro ~ Whilst I did have to choke a tear whilst reading the words ‘optimism for a special and happy year’, the rest of this was just so beautiful, and made me realise how precious friendship is, and of course the unbelievable closeness of couples like Ro and Dani, and Dilshan and Jayne.

Through the sadness, I have learnt so much. I know that all of my friends have. And although we dearly miss Dani, we will all take every opportunity to make the most of every special joy that life gives.