He Tore A Hamstring Dot Mee Dot UK

PERSPECTIVE … It’s Relatively Important

Perspective is a funny thing – we evidently have it as we constantly seem to be putting things in it. On the flip side, the fact that we keep on having to put things in it evidently mean that we never have it. Confused dot com???

per·spec·tive (pər spek′tiv)

adjective
of perspective
drawn in perspective

noun
the art of picturing objects or a scene in such a way, e.g., by converging lines (linear perspective), as to show them as they appear to the eye with reference to relative distance or depth the appearance of objects or scenes as determined by their relative distance and positions
the effect of relative distance and position

the relationship or proportion of the parts of a whole, regarded from a particular standpoint or point in time

a specific point of view in understanding or judging things or events, esp. one that shows them in their true relations to one another
the ability to see things in a true relationship

a picture in perspective
a distant view; vista

I seem to have spent much of the last 4 months prioritising and ‘perspective-ising’. The positive thing is that it finds me in a pleasantly clear frame of mind after the traumatic days of November. Grief is a difficult emotion with which to cope, and I daresay that it is all DNA related. Simply, each individual on this earth deals with it in a different manner. Personally, I have shed more tears than I would care to remember, however I have been very careful not to feel guilty about having a smile.

After the initial shock and emptiness disappeared, I have found myself slowly able to remember the good times, the special times. Believe me that they far outweigh the difficult times and as the pain erodes, those are what I will have of Dani with which to move forward. And whilst none of this makes the healing process any easier, the ability to smile and reminisce has been a great source of comfort.

When all is considered, things could be a lot worse … ah, now that’s perspective!

I did encounter an unexpected scenario last week which really did incite deep thought on my part. I was in M&S on Friday afternoon when I bumped into an old family friend and neighbour. He seemed tired, drawn and wanted to say something. The jaded visage was hardly surprising given that his wife had been terminally ill with cancer for over 12 months. Of course, I already suspected what he was about to say, but it did not make it any easier to come to terms with. I was simply glad to have a close friend with me to sympathise with him because I was speechless and stunned into silence.

The differences between his wife’s death and that of Dani are stark. They were at very different stages in their lives, one had been very ill the other totally healthy. However, I was for the first time absolutely able to empathise with what my friends had experienced in November, and how it must have been to be around me. There are no words to comfort, nothing that can change the horrific reality of loss, just a pain at seeing someone so vulnerable and helplessness in being unable to help.

My heart goes out to him at the moment, and all that any of us can do is be there for him and his family. Which of course brings me back to perspective …

I have had just a little time for the healing process to initiate, so life has assumed a modicum of reality. For that family, grief is raw and painful, something which I totally understand. It goes to show that as bad as we think things may be, we must put them in perspective and think of others. I always think of emotions as relative … what may be relatively trivial to one is absolutely shattering to another.

I give you a prime example in the week after Dani’s passing. I had lost my fiancée and a good mate had lost his job. On the surface, most of us would go rushing to the bereaved, as did he I might add. However, I put it to him that despite my loss and grief, I still had my job, salary and food on the table. Whilst he was hardly on the bread line, it struck the right chord. He understood that the loss of his job did indeed have implications that essentially were more important to him.

As I said, it’s too easy to assume from the outside … but a little perspective can soon help us realise who and what are important!