Posted on November 14th, 2010
Depression is an overused term, sadly so for many that suffer from this highly misunderstood and often maligned illness. As someone who did suffer over a significant period of my own life, I think that it is so important to understand the implications that it can have on the lives of sufferers and comprehend how it genuinely affects behavioural patterns.
So often in modern parlance, you will hear a throwaway comment saying that he or she is just depressed, they’ll get over it, and there are few things that will anger me as much. On most occasions, someone may be worried about something or may be dealing with a stressful situation, but that differs greatly from depression.
We all go through times where we feel heightened levels of anxiety or worry, but it rarely prevents us from functioning properly. It may often be accompanied by physical symptoms such as headaches and nausea, and may often be related to fears around important subjects such as finances or job security, but it is a temporary worry that can be overcome and acted upon. The fashionable term might be ‘losing your mojo’.
Depression, contrastingly, is a very real and potentially debilitating illness which can impact on body and mind, completely altering how someone thinks and feels, particularly in their self-conception. Symptoms can vary upon the exact nature of illness and severity, but may typically include:-
Continued low moods
Increased and continued irritability
Being prone to bouts of crying
Loss of interest in social life
Loss of self-confidence
Listlessness / lack of energy
Fatigue
Inability to concentrate
Feelings of guilt
Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
Thoughts about death and suicide
Feelings of worthlessness
Increased anxiety
Irregular sleeping patterns
Irregular eating patterns (either overeating or loss of appetite)
Physical pains
Reduced libido
Difficulty in making decisions
Of course, these are only symptoms, and if you experience any of these it does not mean that you are depressed. However, if you individually observe several of these warning signs, the chances are that you may be suffering from something rather more sinister than anxiety or worry.
Those that have suffered from depression will recognise many of the symptoms listed above, and one of the keys to recovery is recognition of triggers. The fact is that all of the above can apply to any of us in our lives but if we are prepared for them and able to deal with them, it will not result in any type of relapse or mental illness.
Two of the key triggers commonly mentioned by experts are bereavement and financial worry. I know for a fact that several of my closest friends and family had grave concerns for my state of mind in the days after the passing of my fiancée in November of last year. If I am honest, it was never a concern to me as I had battled far too hard to overcome depression to even consider finding myself in that situation.
I have admittedly displayed several of the above symptoms during the last year not least several bouts of tears and irregular sleeping patterns, but not for a minute did that indicate depression, just a huge sense of loss and grief.
However, the key fact here is that through it all, I have maintained an awareness of my behavioural patterns and the ability to function and make decisions. I have not felt helpless, hopeless or worthless, just very sad but determined to make the most of my own life and not to take a day for granted. I have not felt guilty because I am here and she is not, and have not lost the desire to be around those close to me.
The point that I am making is that as individuals, we are often naturally prone to the symptoms of depression, whether due to circumstance or simply to our DNA. but it does not make us ill or depressed. Depression, and the very serious nature of it, manifests in the collective of these symptoms which stops us from doing the everyday things that we would usually take for granted.
If I look at myself individually, I am not too proud to admit that increased irritability was one of my most severe symptoms in the several years through which I was a sufferer. If I am totally honest, it would be fair to say that for most of my life, I was a perfectly nice guy but one that was highly strung and prone to outbursts of anger.
Much of my counselling and treatment of depression, therefore, was related to anger management. It is something that I have controlled to such a point that some of those who have known me for a greater length of time have on occasion asked me whether I still have my emotions.
The simple answer is yes, but I have a much greater capacity to manage them, although I confess that sometimes my ire will show itself. It is a natural part of me and does not mean that I am depressed, at least no more so than someone who has lost their libido! It simply means that something or someone has annoyed me, and that someone else has stopped being attracted to their partner!
If truth be told, I have hit one of my biggest trigger points in recent weeks, and I have no hesitation in saying that not only has it made me highly irritable, but has also been patent in the form of physical illness. Oddly enough, despite being afflicted by gastroenteritis, I have been more aware of my mood swings and bouts of anger.
However, awareness is everything, as is the knowledge that it is only short term and that the solution is already in place. As I have said, worry and anxiety differ greatly from depression, so none of this has concerned me greatly. Quite simply, if I have financial worries as I currently do, I get angry, and this is a quite natural reaction.
I know that my current issues are short term, a result of embarking upon a new job which has started very successfully. However, the terms dictate that I am currently living on an allowance which is around a half of my previous salary. However, once established, the rewards will give me a much more comfortable situation than that to which I have been used.
So right now, I am extremely irritable because I have had to rid myself of my personal mobile phone, Sky subscription, home telephone, gym membership, Liverpool web subscription, Rugby World subscription, World Vision donation, National Autistic Society donation and am living kindly off the grocery shopping of my mum. Apart from the latter, none of these happen to be life threatening as far as I know, and the ones that have really hurt have been the charity donations that I make monthly.
However, the new job has already had commercial success, so I know it is simply a matter of time before I can re-subscribe to all of the above and get back to life as usual. My pride might be hurting, and I may be annoyed that this is all happening around the Christmas period, but it is not the end of the world.
Human nature dictates often that when there is a bigger issue in our lives, it is often the smaller ones in which we display our anger. I suspect that this is partly the case here. Whilst it is easy for me to be irked by short term and insignificant financial issues, or by Liverpool’s latest defeat, there are more noteworthy dates on the horizon.
I have already alluded to the loss of my fiancée Danielle last November. This coming Thursday, November 18, will mark the first anniversary of her death. The date has loomed like a dark shadow over all of us in recent weeks, evoking uncertainty in what it will bring and what emotions it will arouse.
At this moment, it does not really worry me, which may surprise many. However, I have dealt with her loss which has been more difficult than anything that I have encountered in my life, and it is just another day amongst many with which I will have to cope. However, and this is just me being honest, I am more enraged that I have to deal with the aforementioned, albeit short-term, financial issues at a time when my concentration should be elsewhere.
I have learnt so much about myself during the last twelve months, but moreover have learnt so very much about the emotions that others encounter. Allied to my own previous battle with depression, this I hope makes me more aware of others and certainly less judgmental. I have, from the outset, said that if my writing can help just one person, it will be worthwhile.
I understand now that the symptoms of depression live on in us, for they are our natural human characteristics. It is how our minds assimilate them that make us what we are. My consciousness of my own persona and flaws allows me to function quite normally as a result.
So many people are so much less fortunate. Depression is a horrible illness with potentially devastating consequences. It is time that all of us became more aware of it, and stopped accepting the trivialisation of it in modern society. I am worried and anxious but not depressed. This holds no fear, for there was a time when I was clinically depressed, which rendered individual worries and anxieties relatively insignificant.
There is hope for all sufferers of depression, I am living proof of this. There is absolute hope for sufferers from worries and anxiety, both of which can lead to something more serious if not addressed.
Most importantly, the next time someone that you know is worried about something or having a difficult time, do not make light of it with the kitsch phrase, ‘oh, he/she’s just depressed’. It is an insult and affront to the millions that genuinely do suffer. Instead, try to constructively help them, lest their symptom of anxiety regress untreated into something much more depressing.
Posted in Bereavement, Mental Health |
Rohan Kallicharan 
Editor 
TraceyLouise 
Paul Grech 
Jess Payne 
Ian Knight 
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